No, I Won't Back Down?

John 13:21-33, 36-38

Reclining at table with his disciples, Jesus was deeply troubled and testified, "Amen, amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me." The disciples looked at one another, at a loss as to whom he meant. One of his disciples, the one whom Jesus loved, was reclining at Jesus' side. So Simon Peter nodded to him to find out whom he meant. He leaned back against Jesus' chest and said to him, "Master, who is it?" Jesus answered, "It is the one to whom I hand the morsel after I have dipped it." So he dipped the morsel and took it and handed it to Judas, son of Simon the Iscariot. After Judas took the morsel, Satan entered him. So Jesus said to him, "What you are going to do, do quickly." Now none of those reclining at table realized why he said this to him. Some thought that since Judas kept the money bag, Jesus had told him, "Buy what we need for the feast," or to give something to the poor. So Judas took the morsel and left at once. And it was night. When he had left, Jesus said, "Now is the Son of Man glorified, and God is glorified in him. If God is glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself, and he will glorify him at once. My children, I will be with you only a little while longer. You will look for me, and as I told the Jews, 'Where I go you cannot come,' so now I say it to you." Simon Peter said to him, "Master, where are you going?" Jesus answered him, "Where I am going, you cannot follow me now, though you will follow later."

Peter said to him, "Master, why can I not follow you now? I will lay down my life for you." Jesus answered, "Will you lay down your life for me? Amen, amen, I say to you, the cock will not crow before you deny me three times."

This is what strikes me about these lines, "Master, who is it?"Jesus answered,"It is the one to

whom I hand the morsel after I have dipped it."So he dipped the morsel and took it and handed it to Judas. This just blows my mind. I mean everyone is like, "who is going to betray Jesus?" and then Jesus clearly states who will betray him and then calls him out. I mean if I were there I would have jumped up and wanted to get Judas before he left to prevent him, but maybe they didn't think he was going to betray him right away. Maybe some time passed from when Jesus talked about dipping in the bowl and when he actually dipped in the bowl and gave it to Judas. Maybe no one was looking when he did it. I am sure smarter men or women than me can explain this better but the real question I should be pondering is, when do I turn my back on Jesus. Here we have both Judas and Peter (it is predicted) turning their backs on Jesus. It makes me think of all those times when I was out playing shows and "shied" away from my faith because I didn't want to look weird or worse I wanted to look cool. I realize that over the years I have had tons of opportunities to share my faith with others, but backed away from Jesus for stupid reasons. I still am no perfect man. Now days I wear a cap with a cross on it. It's not so much to share my faith as it is to remind me of who I follow. I wear shirts that proclaim my faith, not to look cool, but to remind me that what I say and do reflects on me and all Christians. It helps because when I think of backing down or out I have caught myself looking down at my shirt and finding resolve. I'll be honest I am a very shy man. I love Jesus, I go to work and I like to write, record and play live. I pray daily and try to be the best Christian I can be and then I go back and spend some time with Jesus and reflect on how I succeeded and how I failed as a Christian. I am a work in progress. I'll not lie. There have been way too many times that I have been like Peter, but I repent and try to get over my fear. Things that I would have never done before proclaiming my faith I do now, and I realize that fear is just Satan trying to shut me up because he doesn't want anyone talking about Jesus.

Jesus,

You know that I am a sinful man, but you also know that I love you. Please fix me. Please teach me. Please help me to become the man that you know I can become that glorifies you and your teachings. Please give me the strength to never back down. I love you Jesus, I love you so much. This world is so messed up. I can't save it, only you can, but I am yours. Do with me as you will. If I can help you, let me know. I see so much pain in the world and my heart aches. Show me how I can help others so that they can know the love you offer so they don't have to feel lost anymore. Thanks again Jesus, you're awesome.

In Jesus Christ's name I pray,

Amen